Beast's Castle, First Visit:
Interlude VI: Kairi
"Did you ever write him that letter?"
Gentle, hesitant, more than a little bit concerned, but definitely an improvement from the skepticism she was used to hearing in Selphie's voice. For the first time, the other girl brought him up without making it sound as though she thought that boy was more than a slightly-worrisome delusion.
Three days ago, Kairi knew she would have been so happy. She would have peppered her best friend with questions, like did you remember something, do you know any names that start with "s," or maybe even just, won't he be frustrated with us when he realizes we've all forgotten him somehow? It would have been silly and optimistic of her, but she would have done it anyway.
But that was three days ago. Today, as the sun set, while they sat on the sandy shores and she clutched the empty bottle she had planned to stuff her letter inside, Kairi didn't say anything. Instead, after a moment, she took a handful of sand and threw it at the sea.
It wasn't that she had decided her plan was silly. Anyone else might have come this far and then hesitated, wondering whether you could really cross the universe with a letter in a bottle, but Kairi knew better than anyone that all worlds were connected and things set adrift in the ocean sometimes washed up on unfamiliar shores. She hadn't wavered. She knew her letter would find him, whenever he needed it most.
If only she could finish writing it.
Selphie sat down beside her heavily, probably staining her skirt with damp sand and salt. She seemed to be choosing her words carefully. "You know," she said, "what you really need -- is a distraction. D'you wanna go watch the boys practice?"
For several long seconds, Kairi could only stare at her blankly. Boys? Practice? Then it snapped together, and she could have kicked herself. Blitzball, of course. Next week they were supposed to play against -- what was that team's name. Starfish? Stingrays? It was a big game, everyone in their year would be getting out early to go watch. Wakka and Tidus were both on the team. They'd probably talked of little else for the last month.
And she had forgotten all about it, too wrapped up in a boy she still knew almost nothing about.
She should have said yes, should have gone with one of the few friends she still had left after a year of obsessing about him, but when she looked out at the ocean and thought about the letter she should have already sent...
Kairi said softly, "I'm sorry. I can't."
The younger girl smiled at her, tense but understanding. "Okay, then." Her voice trembled very slightly, and she scrambled back to her feet, looking away. "Well -- if you change your mind, you know... where to find us."
Kairi nodded, and closed her eyes, so that there was only the sound of hurried footsteps, muffled by the sand, fading swiftly into the distance. When she opened her eyes again, she was alone on the beach.
He'd said his name began with an s. He couldn't even make that part easy for her.
At least he hadn't sounded hurt -- hadn't even sounded upset, despite what he had said to her. She thought he had been teasing her.
He had seemed nice.
Kairi realized she was smiling faintly, and let out a slow, halting sigh. Who was he, that he could affect her this way -- without even trying?
And why hadn't she been able to finish her letter?
She knew what she had wanted to say, when she had sat down at her desk and put pen to paper. She knew she'd wanted to reassure him that she was okay, that she was starting to really remember him now -- that she was sure they would all be together again soon. She just didn't know what had gone wrong, why her pen had stopped dead in the middle of the page, why her train of thought had just... melted away uselessly.
Of course she hadn't thought too much of it at first -- she had stared at the page for a little while, and then put the letter away, promising herself she would write more later. Only it had been three days now, and she still couldn't finish the sentence she'd abandoned, let alone the whole letter.
The words just wouldn't come.
Kairi took off her shoes, and stretched out her legs so that the surf came up over her toes. The movement of the sea was steady, certain, and comforting. These waves would have brought her letter to him.
"Something's wrong," she told the water quietly. "I just wish I knew what."
She didn't think he had died. Somehow, she was certain she would have known -- would have felt it, deep inside, like some part of her had died with him. She didn't even really think he was hurt. But something had happened to the wonderful, smiling boy in her scattered memories.
Maybe the other boy knew -- the one who had called himself Roxas.
The one whose heart she had touched, right before she heard his voice.
Kairi stayed on the beach until the sun had completely set, but then she gathered her book bag, her socks and her shoes, and headed home in deep thought.
Her first letter hadn't worked, and that was -- more than a little depressing. She would never be able to finish it, and it would never reach him. She had no idea why, but she was wasting time wondering.
Her second letter would do better. She just had to send it to a different person.
Maybe he would even be able to tell her what name started with an s.
NEXT >>> Hollow Bastion, First Visit (Part 1)